Year of The Alfano

Produced on November 1997, the Year of The Alfano compact disc included fifteen new tracks and highlights from Acid Trip Blues. Here are the lyrics with brief liner notes supplied by Troy Scott.

As a special bonus, this disc contains the special edition of the game Vinnie's Tomb Chapter Two - Shine and Glow Vinnie.

A special edition of the CD was released in 2000.

Original Track Listing

 * 1) Overture (Instrumental)
 * 2) Traitor Beach
 * 3) The Mike Alfano Saga Part One
 * 4) Mask On My Face
 * 5) The Mike Alfano Saga Part Two
 * 6) One Way Street (5 For Phil)
 * 7) The Mike Alfano Saga Part Three
 * 8) Oh Magico
 * 9) The Mike Alfano Saga Part Four
 * 10) Come Rock and Roll
 * 11) The Mike Alfano Saga Part Five
 * 12) The Chip King
 * 13) Tough Guy Blues
 * 14) The Mike Alfano Saga Part Six
 * 15) Do The Alfano

Bonus Tracks

 * 1) Jack The Reaper
 * 2) Kick Back
 * 3) Norman Voorman
 * 4) Ice Cream Man Theme / I'll Do It Anyway / Acid Trip Blues / So Unusual / Magic Time / Spring (Instrumental)
 * 5) Fred's Romance (Slowed Down Version)
 * 6) Baby In Blue (Slowed Down Version)
 * 7) Jim The Miner (Slowed Down Version)
 * 8) Sputter (Slowed Down Version)
 * 9) The Petty Song (Slowed Down Version)
 * 10) The Pasquale & The Sherberts Song (Slowed Down Version)
 * 11) Drum solo excerpt from "John Washington" / Acid Classic III (Instrumental)
 * 12) Acid Trip Blues
 * 13) Do The Alfano (Mono Mix)

Overture (Instrumental)
Features themes from "Do The Alfano", "The Chip King", "Oh Magico", "One Way Street (Five For Phil)" Written and performed by Troy Scott

Traitor Beach
Lyrics by Troy Scott and Scott Soroko

Music by Troy Scott

Performed by Troy Scott

Oh Traitor Beach Why did you have to leave? Are they payin' you more money? That I can't believe People rather angry No longer they could teach The only thing to save them Is bringing back the Beach

Beach walked in one day Said "Boy's I'm outta here" Everyone was shocked Except Billy with the beer

Kids ran down the hall They hacked into the lab Poor Joe Ragany was all that we had We walked into the lab Joe was sobbing on the floor The kids replaced new Pentiums With Commodore 64's

The hackers at the school Once shied away with fear The wrath of traitor Beach As he threw them off a pier Even the department heads Never played him for a fool They became so petrified They rarely came to school

Little Dougie Smiles The bugger of them all Finally learned a lesson Nailed to the wall Kids they got suspended And thrown out in the hall Traitor Beach would bounce them Just like a rubber ball (*Boing!*)

A hundred porno pictures In the Novel lab Beach would slap their faces With a large sharp steel slab Like Elvis with his badge He would come into a school All afraid of Cybercop The kids all played it cool

Juice was down in Vegas And Beach came a lookin' He pounded him in the ground And said "I don't like your cookin'" He'd sell drugs on the corner Juice ratted to the cops Beach wiped out Juice's mob As Johnny grew the crops (But John, wasn't hurt anybody?)

He always had a story A hit with all the staff Just the way he told it Always made us laugh He got so red and mad He made the basement shake He'd throw equipment all around When he had all he could take

To get away from it all He'd head up to New Liskeard Even with him there He'd bring a world of hurt The poor guy in the front Only had a little car Traitor Beach smacked him good And met Billy at the bar

Oh Traitor Beach Why did you have to leave? Are they payin' you more money? That I can't believe People rather angry No longer they could teach The only thing to save them Is bringing back the Beach

This is the song that kicked off the song cycle. It's a slight exaggeration on the true chronicles and exploits of Mr. Shayne Beechey. It was also the first song Scott Soroko and Troy Scott wrote together.

The Mike Alfano Saga Part One
Featuring Mike Alfano

Mask On My Face
Written and performed by Troy Scott

I put a mask on my face I can't show myself in public I can't bear to think about What I've done Although I did it just for fun I guess I'm just a disgrace So I put a mask on my face

The jokes on me for the queen did say "We are not amused by the games you play" The people on the street threw stones at me A funnyman I guess I'll never be I've got bad taste, I'll admit it's true But I never thought it would make me blue I guess I'm just a disgrace So I put a mask on my face

This song begins with an impromptu instrumental, which is unfortunately far from melodic.

The Mike Alfano Saga Part Two
Featuring Scott Soroko

One Way Street (5 For Phil)
Written and performed by Troy Scott

[Verse 1] I went in a bar Sat down not far From a butcher. Said pull up a chair Get a whiff of the air And start choking. Say Ya play pool I know I'm a fool Must be joking.

[Chorus] One way street Five for Phil One way street Five for Phil One way street Five for Phil

[Verse 2] Take your time boss said When I'm kicked in the head He was laughing. Pulled out a knife Said this is your life I'm not kidding. He grabbed for his gun Made for a run He went winning.

[Chorus] One way street Five for Phil One way street Five for Phil One way street Five for Phil

[Verse 3] I shot a ball in a corner Said can you top it? He started shooting and didn't end I said "Stop it." You won all right but he started to fight And the lights went. Knife in my hand It followed through And he dropped dead.

[Chorus] One way street Five for Phil One way street Five for Phil One way street Five for Phil

This is a variation on a song I wrote long ago under the pseudonym of Roy Vung. It tells the story of a tragic encounter with an overzealous drunken pool shark.

The Mike Alfano Saga Part Three
Featuring Jay/Jason/Justin/Juice/Magico/Maggio (take your pick)

Oh Magico
Lyrics by Troy Scott and Scott Soroko Music by Troy Scott Performed by Troy Scott Additional background vocal by James Roper Includes a sample by Mike Alfano

Oh Magico You're a traitor too When we talk behind your back You don't even have a clue You went to the third floor Robert's old domain Moved from your abode Washed out by the rain Alfano's in your spot now (This is Mike Alfano) Looking to make his mark He looks rather washed up Like Fonzie in an ark (Swing it!)

You head to the casino Like it's your second home (Yeah!) With your hair all va-voomed (Va-va-voom!) And the little beard you've grown

You walk into the bar Like you own the place You lose all of your money You're called a big disgrace

They ask you to play blackjack In the millionaire's pit Just like Cousin Billy Bobscoe You say "Forget about it"

Now you've moved to Special-Ed It seems kind of fitting You'll be so bored alone upstairs You'll probably take up knitting

With Roberts there before you There must be lots of things to do But you're just as much the slacker You live at Costco too

You've got your expense account But it quickly has diminished Strange thing is two weeks ago You got your Christmas shopping finished

Your family is so famous They really rule town hall Down at East Side Mario's Uncle Gweedo's pictured on the wall

Uncle Gweedo is your favorite With him, you'll always sing (Ad Lib, "Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle bam-bara-boom-bara-bim")

The mileage on your car It's in the Guinness book Take a trip to Niagara Falls You can all have a look

Some call you Juice or Justin It makes your parents so irate We all know your password It's… *backmasked numbers accompanied by the faint version of the same numbers, but not backmasked* (Forget about it.)

Troy debated whether or not to re-record this song from scratch. It is a bit patchy in places. Perhaps you'll find a re-make on the next Reldni collection!

The Mike Alfano Saga Part Four
Featuring Cesare DiDonato

Come Rock and Roll
Written and performed by Troy Scott

[Verse 1] Get down, baby Come and dance with me We will go and do a twisting dance We might even spare a little romance

[Chorus] Come Rock And Roll Feel it in your soul Come on let's go To the show Come Rock And Roll Feel it in your soul

[Verse 2] Get down, baby Kiss me all the night Then maybe we'll hold each other tight

[Chorus] Come Rock And Roll Feel it in your soul Come on let's go To the show Come Rock And Roll Feel it in your soul

[Bridge] (Hey, John's not dancing!)

[Verse 1] Get down, baby Come and dance with me We will go and do a twisting dance We might even spare a little romance

[Chorus] Come Rock And Roll Feel it in your soul Come on let's go To the show Come Rock And Roll Feel it in your soul

[Verse 2] Get down, baby Kiss me all the night Then maybe we'll hold each other tight

[Chorus] Come Rock And Roll Feel it in your soul Come on let's go To the show Come Rock And Roll Feel it in your soul

This is a very simple song akin to the Theme sessions of the early eighties. Sadly, all but a few recordings from this early part of Troy's illustrious recording career exist.

The Mike Alfano Saga Part Five
Featuring Mike Alfano

The Chip King
Written and performed by Troy Scott

[Verse 1] There's a dragon on the corner But across a little more In a parking lot, you'll see a shack Near Canadian Tire store I was driving in a gravel pit Had nothing else to do Stones hit my windshield It made me sad and blue-hoo-hoo ("I better get over the Canadian Tire, I gotta...get a screwdriver and a shield pad (?)")

I went to get a sausage It wasn't very far When I came back Some punk slipped a paper on my car ("Hey, get away from my car!") He said, "don't be alarmed, sir I'm just giving you a tip Pull up by my shack And I can fix that chip"

[Chorus] He's The Chip King Please don't call him a jerk ("I'm no jerk!") He's The Chip King He makes his own work ("Watcha doin' in my car?") If your windshield has a chip You should know what to do Take it to the chip king He'll make it look brand new Yahoo!

[Verse 2] He used to be a student With a Boba Fett tattoo ("Boba Fett is from Star Wars.") He tried to be a trustee But I guess that fell through He distributed snack magic ("Boba--" Snaaaack Magiiiic!) With a bearded face Now he's the great Chip King Just in a parking space He wanders 'round the parking lot In search of a chipped car (In search of a chipped car) If he cannot find one He'll use a small crowbar

[Chorus] He's The Chip King Please don't call him a jerk ("I'm no jerk!") He's The Chip King He makes his own work ("Watcha doin' in my car?") If your windshield has a chip You should know what to do Take it to the chip king He'll make it look brand new Yahoo!

Even co-op students face the distinct possibility of having a song written about them. They can then live in luxury after suing Troy for millions in some trumped-up slander lawsuit.

Tough Guy Blues
Written and performed by Troy Scott

I was on the beach with my girl When some guy kicked sand on me He looked very strong like big King Kong And he laughed with a fiendish glee

He made me mad and I did say I'll get even with you one day I was reading a comic book in my chair I read an advertisement pictured in there

It said "Don't be a wimp, you can be strong Buy this book, you can't go wrong To get in shape, strong as an ape Order the book, don't hesitate, don't you wait!"

Don't you be a Jack Ass Just call Charles Atlas

I ordered the book, it finally came I was ready to play the game I'd have more muscles than you have seen All the girls will think I'm a dream If some strong fink wants to get rough I'll beat him up, cause I'll be tough

I'll no longer be a Jack Ass Thanks to Charles Atlas

Back on the beach here I am Here comes the bruiser once again I wait 'till he kicks sand in my face Then I'll put him in his place

He'll be the Jack Ass Thanks to Charles Atlas

Well now I'm arrested by the police For assault and disturbing the peace I guess I'm now the Jack Ass Thanks to Charles Atlas

This track materialized into a poem instead of a song.

The Mike Alfano Saga Part Six
Featuring Cesare DiDonato

Do The Alfano
Lyrics by Troy Scott and Scott Soroko

Music by Troy Scott

Performed by Troy Scott

Alright, everybody. Get ready, to do... THE ALFANO!

(Do the Alfano if you can Can you tell Michael is a man?)

Do the Alfano if you can Can you tell Michael is a man? No more comedy night at 54 When Mike Alfano hits the floor

It's party weekend with Mike Alfano (Hey, I could probably use this!) We can watch Michael play his banjo

Like the Macarena, We all really hate it But you have to be nice 'Cause Alfano made it

He took his tour to space They're all trying to ban it The last headline read: "Get Alfano off our planet!"

When Mike puts on his glitter pants He looks like a girl doing a dance (He looks really cheesy in his glitter pants) (*metal clanks*)

Alfano is the toast of the town He's always getting burned We couldn't get away He was everywhere we turned

I'm scared to say it But it's Alfano that we feared Johnny had to hide So he grew the beard (But he's not hurt anybody?)

Look at Web Boy acting cool People think he's still in school (Get that uniform on, you little bugger.)

Forget the Penguin Forget the Slide Do the Alfano It's the greatest ride! (Yeah, everything jailed.)

The Alfano is the latest sensation Sweeping across the Canadian nation

Down in Ottawa, they're all fools Everybody knows Alfano rules

Johnny's gonna take a chance Watch him do the Alfano dance

Mike Alfano created this dance while grooving to "Polka 'Till You Drop II". His lame dance became the subject of much ridicule. Troy wrote the original lyrics and Scott changed some of the verses and added a few new lines.